Monday, November 15, 2010

caverns

and it was into the cave
salt crashes and ex-train tracks and stuck in the mud
and light, the cliche light
at the cliche end
and i wasn't afraid to not hold hands
to break against the ledge
alone, in the debris that roared roared roared
i thought,
this is how i'd kill myself, if i thought i deserved a death that good
there was hemming and hawing about
tide traps and skulls mixed with foam, smashing against like jelly-filled shells
shivers and
fear of footing

and i thought, that's how i'd like to kill myself

but i kept mute because
landmarks are supposed to light you up
tighten your grip on what is and isn't natural
pat our backs for keeping one littered run-down piece of geology from turning into
burger kings
beach houses
big, beautiful frothing landfills
but
that doesn't keep me healthy.

i want my body to nourish the scrambling soil, my bones to be
a cragged beach spine
because the only time i feel as alive
is when my muscles snap from poor decisions like
him
poor decisions i want to make.

i would toss myself into the whirlpool
when and if i deserved to die.

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