months and years.

i used to like the
whimsy-feathered look of your lower lip as you
fought the trembling because you liked me too much and
maybe i didn't like you that way, but still, you bubbled with happy to see me and
dropped your keys once or twice and slipped up your tongue and said things a little too
mmmmmmm maybee you should have not? i brushed your fingers and felt your blood and my own ghosts flickered in and out and behind my eyes, but i tried. i promise i tried. you were so warm on my neck, so delicately delightfully warm, i had to try.

i wasn't numb. i was haunted, but i wasn't numb. my lungs expanded when you blew into them, like birthday balloons. i shook when you shook. it was like swimming, inhaling the water and choking. it was panic and relief, it was my teeth, it was a battle. you were a thing so new.

now, i'm used to it.